Gate 2020: The exam that changed my life

Topic was permutations and combinations. Some of the students said sir we already know this topic and we have studied it in 11th standard. So why waste time on it?

**Sir smiled and said — I know.

Then he asked a question —
Q: How many arrangements are possible for the word ‘bombay’?

I believe everyone probably worked out this question already. Later, in the same session, as we progressed to more intricate topics (like the identical balls in a box problem and circular permutations), we were intensely focused on solving these challenging problems, to the point where our teacher didn’t even need to use a pen to quickly answer all the difficult questions in a fraction of a second.

One might assume he solved them in his mind, but just how quickly? Perhaps he knew beforehand what he was going to teach, and had the answers memorized. But then, why would he have challenged us to come up with our own questions, promising to answer them just as swiftly? And he did exactly that. Finally, when he explained how he was able to calculate the answers so rapidly, he said

I don’t know.

I know how to calculate the arrangements of the word Bombay and so I applied the same logic in every complex topic. He said he never crammed any formula (we used to cram formulas for these complex problems).

Not only for this subject, he did the same thing with every subject. Few years later, today when I was reading a quote by Mark Twain on the internet that —

if you tell the truth, you don’t need to remember anything

took me back to those days. It is we who make the problem complex ourself (in life too) and then feel bad for not able to solve. I can say this with my whole confidence that whatever subject he taught us I never tried to cram anything. I only uncovered what was covered at first, the whole truth. I religiously followed my teacher. I worked hard for a year but still after giving GATE (2020) examination (AIR 1248) only IIT Indore and IIITB were ready to send me an admission letter. This was a failure for me because I was studying to get into IIT Bombay. Clearly I rejected IIT Indore and IIITB.

Few days later when giving interviews to get a job, one of the interviewers said that you must be regretting now that you have wasted 1 year in preparation. I said, Sir I have no regrets and I do agree that I failed. I own that failure with pride. I still call myself a failure sometimes cause of failing a lot so often. But I have no regrets.

I am actually happy that I failed because after preparing so hard for that one year I realised that the destination was not the end goal rather it was the journey which we overlook often. In that 1 year I learnt how to deal with fear, anxiety, depression, family pressure, financial issues when all of them attack at the same time and on top of that you get diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder).Physical pain is nothing when compared to the mental agony. On one side were these demons and on the other side was me alone. I was in tears during that time. I have no count of how much I would’ve cried during those days.

Here, one might ask — “why crying over a trivial exam?” A single piece of paper wouldn’t decide your future.

Yes it’s true. But the journey which will lead you to the exam will decide what kind of person you will become. Remember the journey matters not any piece of paper, of-course if you continue to prepare till the end.

My frustration increased tremendously everyday to beat the topper in our coaching center (he got AIR 13 that year btw). It went on the whole year. I was determined that I will beat this guy. Me failing in GATE was the symbolic death of me against those demons which every aspirant must face in their journey. But as written in Shrimad Bhagavad Gita that those who die in war go to heaven too. I am proud that facing all those demons I accepted death instead of leaving the battleground.

**So what if one may die because it’s the journey which leads to the destination is considered more important than the destination itself.

I learnt a lot in that one year of preparation for GATE. To date I am proud that I get to be taught by someone whom every part of personality I admire. Now sometimes I teach the same things to other needy students which I learnt from my teacher.

This was my story. If an average student from tier-3 college suffering with MDD can get 1248 rank in GATE then why can’t you get AIR 1. Always aim the highest. On then one end I was fighting with fear, anxiety, family issues, and on the other end somewhere deep I knew that I will beat that AIR 13 student in this year’s exam. I always aim high. Aiming lower is a sin. Never do that. Aim so high that you aren’t even hesitant to die for your aim. It’s not like people who get AIR 1,2,3 doesn’t feel pain, stress. Even the strongest of the strong feel fear.

**Karna was feeling fear too in the final battle v/s Arjuna, as said by his charioteer.

When our sir said “how many arrangements are possible of the word bombay?

He must’ve unconsciously said to every student sitting there that their target is IIT Bombay. That’s what I think.

So that one year of preparation has made me a very strong person from inside. Whenever I aim, I aim for highest. Aiming low is a sin.
Now, I suppose it’s time I should put down my pen.