Curiousity- Are you curious

I was sitting in a park near to my home while listening to some music and watching some boys (half of my age) playing football when all of sudden the playground turned into a war ground and those kids were fighting with each other. As I was about to stand up to interfere a voice deep inside of me said — don’t.

**Why not?

That voice from inside from me then showed me a snapshot of when I was of the same age and was playing football and what happened with me back then. It’s so sad and tears filled inside my eyes when all of sudden I was presented that snapshot of my past. Back then when I was a kid I had to go through a lot harder situation than this (no it’s not you regular hard). And I was filled with rage, frustation, ego issues back then which are still working and influencing my life a lot from the deep down of ocean of emotions/thoughts. I have to forgive them first before I can forgive myself.I would be lying if I say that I have forgiven them. It’s a lot harder than saying and it will take time but then again I have my whole life left and I don’t feel the need to rush anymore.

Sometimes, what we try to avoid lead us to very same place we are trying to avoid.

You must be thinking that I must be a wicked in thinking that people should go through what I had gone through. But again, what might be right for some, may be very wrong for other, what maybe sacred for one, maybe evil for somone other. Keeping this in mind, I am about to tell you what I learned by looking at those kids fighting with each other — I must forgive those who had opressed me back when I was a kid, I must forgive those who thought that what was right from their point of view and hadn’t thought about that same thing might be evil for me. But today I realize that the definition of what is evil, and what is sacred, pure, impure, right, wrong (add even time(as proved be Einstein)) are all relative things. And relative things must not impact human beings that much. But that is an absurd statement for as long as their is life, their will be relativity and so are rights, wrongs….

Sometimes, the best things take place when we don’t interfere with nature. Nature will come and teach you if you try to remain patient and curious enough to explore.

If my what I thought would’be friends back then hadn’t done those bad (again relative) things and the childhood trauma I experienced back then— I would have not got this gift of curiosity (this is what I think the positive outcome resulted from that snapshot), which had helped me so much in life. I don’t know how this gift of curiosity took birth inside of me but it must be the then factors, enviroment, timing, gentics, problems and maybe many more things which must have produced it to make me sane.

A box full of darkness, is a gift too.

Curisoity which helped me to explore GNU/Linux in 1st semester of college, curisosity to have knowledge of that stuff which might never come useful, curisity to create a bash script to automate the designs and earn money (I hadn’t ever imagined that one can make money from internet upto this point), curisoity which helped me in my journey of GATE, curiosity which helped me to have a network of people which are my networth today, curiosity which helped me to to have self-belief even after failing every now and then, curiosity which lead me to advaita vedanta**. And most important of all curisoity which is now making me fearless.** Remember only one rule in life (if I have to pick one (actually I am repeating what once a boy of dakshineswar said)) whatever you are going through —

Be fearless

If their is any religion for me that is to be fearless.

Even if god comes to challenge me in my way I will don’t have even a slight of fear to face him. And don’t believe in things which you can’t ask questions for. Question everything and anything, every thought, every emotion and then comes the gift to be fearless. Everything which makes me weak, I discard it. And anything which makes me strong I accept it with open arms.

Mark Twain, once said that if you tell the truth, you don’t need to remember everything.

Once a man came to Swami Vivekanada and asked “how to overcome my miseries”. Swamiji asked — Have you ever lied? He said no, never.

Swamiji said, go and learn how to lie first.

Mark Twain and Swamiji are contradictory you must think, but they are not. It’s something you have to find out for yourself.

Coming back to those kids now — I left them as they were and I wanted nature to take it’s course. Nature don’t teach everyone, you must ask and their is possiblity of the boys which are getting beaten, or beating might become wicked in future, but as I have already given the answer, I would not repeat again here.

For myself, I am not some super human. I am presenting what I realized till now. I don’t feel the need to argue with you, or make you align with me — if you feel what I write is absurd. After all we are humans and we must not feel that everyone should agree with us and our point of view or our vision of world.

For me, I might be still narendra or siddhartha but I am content with it, I don’t feel the need to rush anymore. Whole of fearlessness, if it comes to me till my death or may not come ever, I am content now.

Now, I suppose it’s time I should put down my pen.